dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
