She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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