Farmville is her only friend.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
