just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
