My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
