I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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