i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
