And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
