Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
