did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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