I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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