There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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