I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
