if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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