he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
