the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
please come you make the beer taste better
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
