All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
my shit smells like andre
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
