so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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