Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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