Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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