Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
