As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
