We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is wine microwaveable?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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