hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Randomize
