I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
