C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
