You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
