Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize