Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
