Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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