Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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