You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
