have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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