we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
