Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
