from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
