There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
