Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
