You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
