I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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