was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
