we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
