You're so nebulous sometimes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
