i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
