i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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