Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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