well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
