sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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