stop calling my apartment porn island.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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