she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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