i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
