The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you never un-have a 4some
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
