i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
