How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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