I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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