worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
