i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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