I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
