Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
