Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize