So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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