Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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