My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
